When my daughter was two and my son, a new baby, we bought a
minivan for our family. It had a DVD player and the movie Frozen was at the
height of its popularity. A friend of mine and I came up with the fun idea to
eat frozen yogurt and watch Frozen in the van. We sat in the van in the parking
lot, happily devouring our treat while watching the movie. My daughter sat in
her car seat and my friend and I sat in the back row, while I nursed the baby.
About twenty minutes into the movie there was a discerning knock on the door of
the van. I immediately got up (baby on the boob) and opened the door. There
stood a police officer. He apologized profusely and said that he had received not
one, but two calls that a child was alone in the car.
I think they were about this age when we had Frozen Yogurt while watching Frozen! |
DVDs in the car! It was a novelty that we had never had before. We haven't done it again. Maybe we will have to do Frozen yogurt and Frozen in the van again when we are back! |
She wore her Frozen dress all day everyday. |
Here’s the thing, why didn’t anyone bother to peer into the
windows of the back row, or knock on the door or window? I would have answered.
Why were people so quick to call the cops without first investigating? Maybe,
they just wanted our parking spot? Who knows, but it seems our own safety,
along with everyone else’s, is of utmost concern for many Americans today. And it
seems that Americans have an opinion and concern for everything.
We recently sold a stroller on craigslist. The potential
buyer had a million questions regarding the sale. How many people had owned the
stroller? How many times had it been used? Did we have all of the accessories? Did
we have the original paperwork? Had we replaced the hinges that had been
recalled?
We were like, “ummmm, it’s a stroller not a car, and this is
it. Take it, or leave it.” Even after the purchase the buyer emailed us with
more questions, citing the safety of his children as his main concern.
Ah safety. Is it the fear of lawsuits or what others will
think or do, that cause us to take the precautions and cares that we do? It
seems to me that American culture survives within a consumer driven shadow of paranoia.
Is it that our society has simply become ingrained to buy the best and safest
products and hire the best specialist that we can afford? Has it all become about
how to make money, how to spend it, and our status in doing both? We share articles
about safety and the best products to buy on our social media pages and buy the
best merchandise we can find. All in the name of; what if someone gets hurt,
sick, or worse, dies? This is especially true when it comes to our families, we
all have the things we pick as our top apprehensions and concerns; be it the
best medicine or doctor, the soundest vehicle or the safest car seat. Many of
us even hire specialists to baby proof our homes. Why is this so important? Why
do we need and want all of this stuff?
This little Pueblo is quite the contrast. The homes of the
local people in San Juanico are different. Most people’s businesses are adjacent
to where they live, so there are often a combo or work and home related things
scattered about. Many of the homes probably wouldn’t be deemed legally safe and
likely coined liable disasters by the average American. The yards are full of
old junk, rusty pieces of metal, random rope, lobster traps, fishing nets,
barrels of water, barrels of oil and numerous other unsafe objects. The kids
figure out how to play with or around the junk in the yards and are told not to
play with stuff they shouldn’t. Houses aren’t baby proofed, things simply get
moved when kids get into them. The thing is, some people get hurt and some don’t
and it is what it is. It’s not considered abnormal when accidents occur. And
there are certainly not a gaggle of adults or children missing fingers and toes
due to recalled stroller hinges. If a child’s finger gets pinched in a
stroller, they learn not to put their finger there. Nobody calls the cops
because they see a child in a car, they knock on the window and say hello. No...wait,
people keep their windows rolled down here.
I think American culture has come to a space where we judge
first and feel entitled to state our opinions to anyone who will listen. Why do
we feel the need to be heard? Why are we so offensive? Why are we so disapproving?
Even in our closest circles, we are often left defensive and stressed out. When
did America become such a community of criticism?
There is a strong Ex-pat community here. Mostly retired
surfers. They are all friendly enough. They appear to have found their places
within the community and live sort of in the periphery of the local society.
The locals here feel a lot of gratitude for the foreign influence, it provides
them with jobs and perspective. But several comments were made to me by locals this
past week, which left me in a reflective state.
This Pueblo is in the desert. Miles of thick cactus set
against a large beautiful bay. The water is piped in from a rancho set against
a cliff about twelve miles away. Water is divided between the West and East
ends of town every other day. In order to have enough water, on water days,
each home fills a Pila “water tank” with water. Many of the Gringos here have
built houses outside of the Pueblo’s water grid. They pay to have water trucked in to fill
their Pilas.
We are staying in a beautiful home designed and built by my Father-in-Law.
The house is connected to the town’s water source. Unfortunately, and sometimes
customary here, we are not getting enough water. I hired Arhenis, a local man
in his thirties, to fill our Pila last week. He owns a ranch with water near
the town’s source. It took nearly two hours to fill our pila and he and I talked
with a couple of other locals while we waited. He said something to me that resonated
and left me in deep contemplation over my own perspective and my needs as an
American.
“Americanos quiere todo perfecto. Quiere un cuerpo perfecto.
Una casa perfecto; quiere todo perfecto. Todo muy limpo y todo nuevo, pero…porque?
Porque, no les puedan vivir feliz con lo que tiene?”
“Americans want everything perfect. They want a perfect
body. They want a perfect house; they want everything perfect. Everything has
to be clean and new, but why? Why can’t they live happy with what they have?”
Why indeed? Why are we so concerned about spending money to
make everything perfect? Why are we so image driven? Why do we think attaining
stuff will make us happier? Why are we so focused on making it appear that we have
it all? I think in doing so, we sometimes fail to live and be in the moment. At
least, that’s one of my struggles. Living in this
community is changing my perspective in many ways. I feel that I have so much
to learn. It was a good question. Why are we striving for perfection and why do
we have to label everything?
For example, people co-sleep here, but it’s not called
co-sleeping…it’s just called living together. They squish their beds together
and sleep in the same room (often the same bed) until a child turns about
twelve years old. The people here are just living with the resources that they
have and seem happy doing it. Nobody calls it co-sleeping and nobody is telling
you how you should be doing it.
In the States there is great debate over co-sleeping and
many other things. One of the first things people ask after you have a baby is,
“is the baby sleeping through the night?” And, “are you co-sleeping?” Then they
offer you opinion on what you should be doing and how you should be doing it. Why
are we, as Americans, so quick to voice our opinions about people’s living
choices and why are we so terrified of the results of potential danger and
risk? Why are we so afraid?
I want to make clear, that I am certainly not exempt from
any of these observations that I am making about American perspective.
Another local here asked me the other day, “¿Porque los
Grings son tan crÃticos?”
“Why are gringos so critical?” I didn’t have an answer.
What I do know, is that I really feel the locals in this
town enjoy their lives. After spending so many years of my life striving to
keep up with the fast pace expectations of Southern California living and my
own expectations of myself…I am truly enjoying slowing down, looking within and
investigating who I am. It’s really
wonderful to have an opportunity to live and parent in a community that views
the world from such a different standpoint than I do. And I’ll be honest, it’s
refreshing to not be hearing so many opinions about how everyone should be
living their lives and what products we should use to do it. It’s also revitalizing
to quiet my own opinion, observe and learn how other people live.
I want to take risks. And I don’t mean big risks, I mean
small ones. I am talking about letting my kid play in not so liable areas and
being okay with it. I want to spend less time worrying about how they “might”
get hurt and more time watching them creatively play with old tires, rusted
lobster traps and half-broken worn-out toys. I want to practice letting go.
The four of us taking a risk and riding on one motor cycle around the block. |
My husband jokingly made a comment to me recently, “you just
want to be Mexican!” And I say, maybe I do, for now. I want to travel the world
and understand how many people live. I want to step outside of my worldview and
see things with an open mind. To find the perfection in imperfection and understand
what happiness means within many different cultures. Hopefully in doing so, I
can understand people better and be less critical.
Preparations for the Festival De La Primavera. |
I can’t wait to write about La Festival De La Primavera that’s
coming up this week and share about a five-year-old birthday party we are
attending on Saturday. Thanks so much for reading and sharing this experience
with me! I invite you to leave a comment if you have any thoughts and "opinions" regarding the questions that I presented!
Hasta entonces, mas tarde.
~Sarah